June 11, 2006
Shitty Tip #8: Don’t make blogs while you’re high on weed
Big Al is from the Netherlands and loves marijuana enough to write about it in a blog called Relax. The site should be the poster child for what happens when potheads try to accomplish something. It ends up becoming a mess of random inline frames, bad layout, and small type. Basically, it looks like Nicole Ritchie’s vomit after a meal of green M&M’s, celery, and diet pills.
Many activities are better done under the influence of marijuana: getting gang-banged, watching South Park, and eating Pop Rocks. Blogging, however, should just be forbidden.
Technorati tags: Marijuana, Netherlands, Nicole+Ritchie, Pop+Rocks, Shitty
Permalink | Comments (0) | Post a comment | By Horatio
June 02, 2006
Ashy Doty-Murrell guides you to mediocrity and mental dismay
Ashy’s debut blog, The Queer Boy’s Guide to Life, promises “fashion, reviews, gossip, sex advice and hot guys!” But instead of couture critiques, juicy action, and big penises, we’re only treated to limp-wristed movie reviews:
We’re sorry, but we can’t trust the opinion of anyone that’s paid money to see Poseidon and then rated it an A++. That’s like trusting Paris Hilton’s advice on avoiding venereal diseases.
Thanks MattyMatt for submitting this blog
Technorati tags: Queer, Trust, Poseidon, Shitty
Permalink | Comments (2) | Post a comment | By Horatio
May 24, 2006
Xanga blogger Gabriel is God
Gabriel Peter is “a musician, a songwriter, a published author, an award-winning actor and presenter, an illustrator, a teacher, the 2005 Radio Personality of the Year, a highly reccommended emcee and speaker, and a handful of other talents that have barely scratched the surface.” Basically, this guy is God.
And if God wants to make an ugly blog so he can reach all the sexy 14 year old girls starving for attention on Xanga, then so be it. God don’t care what nobody thinks.
Technorati tags: Christian, Xanga, God, Ugly, Shitty
Permalink | Comments (0) | Post a comment | By Horatio
May 14, 2006
Fuckinretard.com is proud to be the voice of the embarassing average guy-next-door
Fuckinretard is yet another blog that’s proud to be really stupid, boring, and ugly. In other words, shitty. Like most rant sites, the blog’s filled with random, unstructured complaints. In short, it says: “I hate the world, because I have a small penis and was picked last for kickball during recess.”
We especially love the mutilated typography and color palette of red, black, yellow, and orange. It’s something regular folk can identify with, because it looks like it’s made by the no-nonsense average guy next door. You know, the one that plays Halo all night and has grease stains on his shirt from eating potato chips and chicken nuggets non-stop.
Thanks for submitting your blog, Sodo.
Technorati tags: Average, Grease, Halo, Shitty
Permalink | Comments (2) | Post a comment | By Horatio
May 09, 2006
Fashion darling, Bryanboy, fuels his flame with freaky fans who love him too much
Bryanboy is an effeminate fashionista with a love of all things Fendi and flawless makeup. We love that Bryanboy lets his God-given flame shine bright instead of smothering it behind a faux-masculine facade like one particularly bland host on American Idol.
What’s most troubling is the obsession of Bryanboy’s fans, who’ve taken love to a level of jaw-dropping shamelessness:
Look at the eyeliner technique on that rear. You can’t do this yourself (we tried). To get that kind of precision requires an additional pair of hands, which means this person likely asked a mom, brother, sister, or teacher for help, which is not hot (well… maybe).
After staring at this picture for the last three hours, we wondered why Shitty Blogs isn’t getting any fan art like this. Are we not good enough for our readers? That aside, we still can’t figure out the gender or ethnicity of this smooth behind. It’s like the Pat of ass. Can our fellow readers help us out and take a guess?
Thanks to Marissa for sending this our way.
Technorati tags: Queen, Gay, Fashion, Ass, Eyeliner, Shitty
Permalink | Comments (0) | Post a comment | By Horatio
May 08, 2006
Elvira Black is not psychotic enough
Recently, Elvira Black sent in her blog, Shithouse rat, for us to review, describing herself as a “sometimes psychotic writer in NYC.” As our beloved readers know, we have a penchant for psychotic writers and were overjoyed to get Elvira’s masochistic demand for our qualified critique.
Sadly, we were a bit disappointed with Elvira’s blog design, which uses a generic blogger template in a cheery spring shade of green. Sure, there’s some irony in using uplifting blandness to express the dark psychosis of Elvira. But it’s clear that most Americans and White House Correspondents just don’t get irony.
So let’s make it easy for them, Elvira. Since everyone that hears your name will think of Satan, vampires, and Grand Tetons, please change your background to black and throw up some nude pics of yourself surrounded by pentagrams, pig’s blood, and mutilated goats. If you can’t find those pics, we’ll send you ours.
Technorati tags: Psychotic, Writer, Elvira+Black, Tits, Irony, Blogger, Shitty
Permalink | Comments (3) | Post a comment | By Horatio
May 03, 2006
Atom is proud of using drugs to seduce women
Sex is sex. No matter how you get it or how wrong it was, you can put it on a blog for no one to read and feel a little better about it. Atom’s blog, My strange and miserable confessions, uses a generic blogger template, so it’s easy to overlook his unethical tips for getting chicks to submit:
Who knew it was that easy. Get some crack, pot or heroin, and the world’s your vagina. Now we know how Bobby got Whitney.
Thanks for sending us your blog, Atom. We love it when you submit to us.
Technorati tags: Crack, Loser, Sex, Whitney+Houston, Shitty
Permalink | Comments (7) | Post a comment | By Horatio
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