Shitty Blogs

September 08, 2006

Shitty Blogs is on hiatus

Perhaps we will be back, perhaps not. Thanks for your love.

Permalink | Comments (154) | Post a comment | By Horatio

July 20, 2006

Lizzie loves Paris Hilton too much

If you look too long at Lizzie’s blog, You must Cost a Trillian Bucks, you’d probably vomit. Yes, mostly it’s because of the excessive pictures of Paris Hilton–who’s not even fun to hate anymore. The kaleidscopic background image of pink patterns also makes our stomach churn and eyes bleed. Like most blogs, though, it’s the writing that offends to most:

I love you. Those are the three greatest words you can say to anyone. You can change someones life with those words forever. Tell whoever you love those very words today. It will change your life as well. Keep it krispy! ToOoDeLoOo

“Keep it krispy”???? That in the context of a Paris Hilton themed blog is just truly wrong. All we can think of is Paris Hilton’s burnt vagina after too much sex. Truly, that’s hot.

Thanks for submitting this, Tom.

Technorati tags: Paris+Hilton, Shitty

Permalink | Comments (40) | Post a comment | By Horatio

July 01, 2006

Miss Dancer wants us to hate her

When we go on the internets, we want to see three things: Stephen Colbert, porn, and Stephen Colbert porn. Today, we were instead greeted with Miss Dancer’s atrocious blog, Dancing on Da Bed.

The design is unusable, littered with broken pictures, inline frames, and annoying scrolling text. The posts, or what she calls “Dance Stories,” show a lack of spelling prowess, humor, and brain power. Miss Dancer is a prime example of why personal blogs by teenage airheads should be eradicated.

Thanks for submitting this, G.

Technorati tags: Dancer, Teenager, Blogger, Shitty

Permalink | Comments (6) | Post a comment | By Horatio

June 15, 2006

Michael Shipley is a pervert

Very few things creep us out. Those things include Meg Ryan’s face, vaginas in a can, and 40-year-old men who make blogs about the Olsen Twins. Michael Shipley, with his aptly named blog, Olsen Twins News, is one of those men.

Check out his photo at the top of the site. The combination of sunglasses, pink tie, and molester smile makes us feel dirtier than we normally do. And that ain’t easy.

Technorati tags: Pervert, Olsen+Twins, Shitty

Permalink | Comments (1) | Post a comment | By Horatio

June 14, 2006

Shitty Tip #9: Don’t use tiny font sizes

Making text readable is an obvious rule of thumb when designing to communicate, especially blogs. But why, oh why, must some bloggers insist on using Lilliputian font sizes?

Guilty of this typographic faux pas is Gene’s blog, Together Now, Separate Ways. We’d love to provide you with some witty banter in response to Gene’s posts. Sadly, we couldn’t read any of it and could only experience the ghastly baby vomit wallpaper and blurry photos.

And what’s that we hear in the background? Oh yes, bad Asian hip hop music. This must be our punishment for all the drunk, passed-out frat boys we’ve molested. Hey, if they don’t remember, it’s like it never happened. Right?

Technorati tags: Typography, Design, Vomit, College, Shitty

Permalink | Comments (2) | Post a comment | By Horatio

June 13, 2006

The Asian Playboy turns duds into studs

If you’re a shy Asian boy, you can finally put down the Calculus textbook and become the Casanova you’ve always wanted to be. The Asian Playboy promises to teach you the skills to get the white woman of your dreams. Here’s how the Asian man’s dating coach describes himself:

“I’m no different from anyone else. Really… Somewhere along the way, acquired a respectable amount of skill at attracting the ladies that has turned into both a business and lifestyle of getting paid to get laid (and teaching Asian American men how).”

The Asian Playboy has quite a few tips on getting some action such as “Make her slap herself” and tell a “vulnerability story”. Our favorite by far is this one:

Rule # 2 Fractionate for maximum results

Always fractionate for maximum results. It’s always good to make her laugh or pump her buying temperature up at different times in the interaction. This will help keep her focused and will help in maintaining a little bit of tension between the both of you.

Fractionate? Leave it to the Asians to come up with rules and theorems on nailing chicks. If you want to get laid, just do what we do and pay for it. It’s way easy, and it sure beats doing fractions.

Technorati tags: Asian, Dating, Seducation, Math, Shitty

Permalink | Comments (10) | Post a comment | By Horatio

June 12, 2006

Chad Brunsvold wants the Dark Side in his bedroom

When you don’t have a life and got too much time on your hands, you can do two things: make a metablog that hates on other blogs or do what Chad Brunsvold did and create a replica of The Darth Vadar to display in your bedroom:

I’ve completed my costume replica of the darth vader… and I think its my best prop work on anything I’ve done so far… only problem is I want to get a mannequin to display it on in my room… so maybe tomorrow I’ll see if any of the stores got any I could buy or just take if there throwing some out… idk… but my costume is pretty sweet.

Now, we don’t know about you, but the idea of waking up to the most evil person in space staring at you is a bit creepy. We suppose some people just find creepy things sexy. Sure, Katie Holmes thought it was weird at first to wake up to The Tom Cruise staring down from the video monitor above her bed. But once she remembered the promises of fame, bling, and box office success, Katie closed her eyes and slept like a baby.

Permalink | Comments (12) | Post a comment | By Horatio